Apologize to Sandy

Think On These Things – Engage Ministries

Recently, while conducting the Sxxual Integrity & Restoration (SIR) class, we were discussing the erosive consequences of premarital sxx. One prisoner flatly asked me, “Did you have premarital sxx?” Without hesitation, I said yes. I shared that, for the record, Sandy and I have always had an incredibly happy and great marriage, and, honestly speaking, I personally don’t know any couple who has it “going on” the way we do. I went on to explain that this October will be our thirty-year anniversary, however, right about the eighteen year mark, the Holy Spirit impressed something upon me. The conversation went something like:

Did you see what I was doing? Every one of my responses was a form of excusing, justifying, or rationalizing. I honestly wrestled with this for a few days. I knew premarital sxx was wrong and destructive. I even taught against it. But, I had yet to fully realize, on a personal level, “the death” in my case. As I continued to pray, I knew God was prodding me to apologize to Sandy. The conviction grew, my heart melted, and I genuinely wanted to apologize to Sandy.


God: Apologize to Sandy.

Me: For what?

God: For premarital sxx.

Me: Wait… what???

God: Apologize to Sandy.

Me: But God, You forgave me for that.

God: Apologize to Sandy.

Me: But God, that was a long time ago!

God: Apologize to Sandy.

Me: But God, we loved each other!

God: Apologize to Sandy.

Me: But God, we got married, so I made it right!

God: Apologize to Sandy.

Me: But God, it was consensual!

God: Apologize to Sandy.

Soon after, Sandy and I were alone in our house. She was sitting on the arm of the loveseat. Now bear in mind that I hadn’t planned any of this out, but before I knew it, I was on my knees in front of Sandy, telling her that I owed her an apology. She looked at me suspiciously and asked for what. My eyes welled with tears and I said, “For premarital sxx. I’m so sorry that I was sxxually aggressive, impatient, and ignorant, but at the time I didn’t understand your value, nor mine. I should’t have compromised your purity, but I just did not know. Please forgive me.” Now, Sandy was crying also. She was shaking and she looked down at me and said, “Nick, I did not think I needed to hear an apology from you about this, but I realize now that I did.” Then she said those three magic words, “I forgive you.”

Boom!!! Right there on the spot, something powerful and beautiful happened in our relationship. Our marriage went to a whole ‘nother level of intimacy! (I know because we spent the next few moments exploring this new closeness and healing. Hallelujah!) Sandy and I have always been close and we’ve experienced great lovemaking, but something happened when I apologized and she forgave me. I couldn’t explain it at the time, but later, God showed me very plainly what had happened.

The Lord said, “Nick, for eighteen years you’ve had this gross pattern of rationalization in your character. This flaw has also been in the foundation of your marriage. Your character is like a wall, full of weak and strong bricks. Each brick represents every decision you’ve made. That weak brick of compromise and rationalization has been in your wall all these years, but when you apologized to Sandy and she forgave you, healing occurred. That weak brick came out of your wall and was replaced with a strong, god-honoring brick.” I understood immediately that my wall had been edified, fortified, and strengthened. God then gently whispered to my spirit-man, “Nick, we need to fix this now. Because, if you will rationalize in an area as important as sxx, you will rationalize in other areas of your life.”

I began to see this destructive pattern in my life. Rationalizing did not foster trust in my relationship with Sandy. To the contrary, it had actually been fostering insecurities and mistrust. Because I would compromise, I could not be fully relied upon to hold fast to truth, obedience, or discipline. And, if Sandy couldn’t fully trust me, could God? Ouch!

I explained to the prisoners that in any given day, we make tens-of-thousands of decisions. And, it’s important to realize that every decision will either enhance or diminish our quality of life. For example, every morning you have to make a decision to get out of bed and go to school or work. You can decide to stay in bed, but chances are that will lead to trouble. Or, you can decide to get out of bed and go, and chances are this is beneficial to you.

I asked the men to imagine what their wall looked like, full of strong bricks and weak bricks. Now, here’s the million-dollar question, “When the storms, trials, and tribulations of life come — and they will come to test you — where will your wall fail?” Humbly they admitted, every weak spot or bad decision.

Just prior to this particular conversation with the prisoners, every one of them had said they wanted to have a great marriage and live “happily ever after.” However, now, each man realized they were unknowingly doing things that directly undermined and opposed this goal. It was very illuminating to the men. As a matter of fact, one guy (D) said, “Out of all the classes you’ve taught, the last ten minutes was the most profound for me. I finally understand. It all makes sense.”

In closing…

Pray in faith, continually! Your prayers avail much! Daily, kingdom increase happens as we exercise our “Gather Sheep & Convert Goats” strategy. Our “Catch & Release” tenet is next. We catch them, disciple them, equip them, then we release them into faith-filled works and their ministries. It’s quite effective and rewarding!

Please consider partnering with us through your faith-giving. With our multiple different outreaches every week, much Kingdom fruit is being harvested. Paul desired that through your giving, much fruit would abound to your account. (Php 4:17) Financial gifts and donations can be made online through Christians In Action. Or, you can mail contributions to the address listed below.

I declare that your speech and your preaching is not with enticing words of man’s wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power! (1 Cor 2:4)

In His power,

Pastor Nick & Pastor Sandy Guerra